I winced where I heard about this story with the headline “MAN BITTEN BY VENOMOUS SPIDER ON HIS JOHNSON“, in the Sky Valley Chronicle (“The #1 Read & Rated Sky Valley News Source & Only Daily Paper in the Sky Valley!”-Love it!!! ) :
(SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA) — This may make you think twice before you ever again use a portable toilet (aka Porta-Potty, the blue dunker, honey pot, blumpkin, pit stop, tinkle tower, blow out shack, boom-boom room, the dirty squirty etc.) at a campground or construction site.
An Australian man had his day (presumably) ruined recently, ending up at a hospital, after a venomous red spider bit him right on his Johnson (aka the man muscle, boom stick, the impaler, one-eyed-luv snake, the big salami, schlong, skin flute, the wang, the Jimmy Johnson and last but very least, penis).
Couldn’t have written it better myself though I may have used different words for the Penis – we have Pecker, John Thomas, Cock, Donger, Old Fella, Snag, Tool, dick – and that is not even trying too hard.
The Australian ‘Daily Telegraph’ has a more routine headline” Redback bites Sydney man’s penis in portaloo” which tells us of a 21 year old “Tradie” who using a Portaloo on a building site when the spider bit him on his genitalia about 8.45am. (..as if the time matters !).
Paramedics were initially called to the scene, but a NSW Ambulance spokesman said the bitten man managed to make his own way to hospital for treatment.
“He’s somehow managed to get alternative transport to hospital,” he said.
Too bloody right. I would steal a train, plane, automobile, taxi, moped, bicycle or sprint there !
In the same Telegraph article, there as some helpful information about redbacks and being bitten while on the lav.
“Going back 80 years or so when people were still using outhouse toilets it was extremely common, something like up to 80 per cent of cases of spider bites were bites on the male genitalia,” he said
“Typically they were using the toilet. But it’s much less common now, I can’t think of a case.”
Redback anti-venom was developed in the early 1950s and deaths are typically very rare, however 22-year-old Jayden Burleigh died earlier this month of complications following a spider bite.
If bitten, patients are advised to apply an ice pack or cold compress and call emergency services.
“A bite from a redback is certainly going to make the patient very miserable, but it’s very uncommon to die as we’ve had an anti-venom for more than 50 years,” he said.
There’s more. Apparently 2000 people are bitten every year by Redback Spider in Australia and are the source for stories about “spiders on the dunny”.
As Australian Academy of Science’s Associate Professor Bryan Fry says : “But of all the places to get bitten and of all the spiders, he had to pick this one. The redback has to be the most painful spider in Australia.”
PS: I’ll betcha’ll are wondering if the Workie secretly said “Doc – take away the pain but leave the swelling”.