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United we fall, divided we stand : Auto response to a complaint

United: Trying to serve you right

United: Trying to serve you right

Dahlings, Reddit is again making news as the source for news.

The other week, it was the source for rather upset wife posting a spreadsheet compiled by her husband, documenting why they have not being doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Not only that, but he showed a cold streak in him by emailing it to her before she went on business trip. She also shows some bad form by pasting it on Reddit. Maybe they are meant for each other.

Recently posted by Reddit user “Lyndy” is a letter from United is a classic in customer (don’t) care if indeed the letter is true – see the image.

When asked for a comment, an unamed United spokesperson sent us a text saying “Whatever. Bite me you (SPECIFIC PROFANITY) ” .

Ciao for now, Cleo.

A sleep at the wheel : The day my Car was attacked by a matress

Augustus' chariot with a uninvited guest attached to the bottom

Augustus’ chariot with a uninvited guest attached to the bottom

I found this picture on his phone and it brought back memories. Unpleasant memories at the time but funny now.

It was a cold winter’s night around 8:30 pm on Monday where I was driving down I10 to Houston from Austin. The section of freeway was unlit and the road was quiet.  I had just changed into the right lane and saw the driver in front swerve around something. Since there was a car passing on my left, I had nowhere to safely go apart from straight on.

I braced from a crash and drove over whatever it was on the road. There was an ugly scraping noise and whatever the object was, it was now under the carriage. I was driving down the road with sparks coming out of the sides.

I pulled over and got out to take a look. By the passing car headlights,it was something metallic. More importantly, it was stuck.

Luckily there was a turn off nearby and I slowly drove off the freeway to a gas station nearby which was well lit.

At the garage, I could better see what it was: the remains of a mattress that was now just springs and wires.

I tried pulling it, it moved somewhat but was trapped in multiple places under the car.

Now what to do? The toolkit in the car had including pliers but it would not cut the wire.

The garage attendant didn’t have phone number for a local tow truck. The idea being to hitch it up and pull it away was out.

The phone was dead so could not look up anything on the internet.

So there I was. Cold, frustrated and Stranded. This was like one of these management challenges that they give to teams and with no other options it was try, try and try again.

By chance I managed to loosen it to the front enough by standing on it with left foot and slowly reversing the car with the other. This allowed me to jack up each front tire and remove it to further pull it away. 50 minutes later I was back on the road again. Very pleased with myself but equally pissed off with idiot who had lost their mattress and had not secured their load. A common problem in Texas.

Still there is part if this story that still makes me chuckle whenever I think about it. The name of the town that I had just passed…..SEALY.

For those that may not know, Sealy is a famous manufacture of mattresses.

Slow down, Move over : Roaman Emperor moves palace

Our Improvised fish transporter. We had to remind ourselves not to drink during the trip.

Our Improvised fish transporter. We had to remind ourselves not to drink during the trip.

This week, the Caesars moved 200 miles from our San Antonio palace to a new palace in Katy. Unlike previous moves which have been corporate relocation, we had to fund and arrange this one. Since some the imperial family members has flown the nest, we took the opportunity to downsize. Like most in America, we have far too much stuff than what we need.

The Saturday was the garage sale. Plan was from 10-4. However, as we started putting things out before 9 am, we had eight people wanting to see our stuff. Not being ready for it, we had to quickly adapt as more kept turning up. Augustus went out to get the Garage sale permit (San Antonio are pretty strict on this) and some smaller dollar notes, while Mrs Caesar became head of palace sales.

One of the first things to be sold was Augustus’ beer and wine making equipment. The buyer was passing down the road in his truck and made a hasty u-turn to return. From a distance, he knew what they were – a true Foamranger. While Augustus was somewhat reluctant to see them go, he has not brewed for years and the equipment was just taking up space. Farewell carboys, you are going to a good home.

The crowd attending the garage sale were a mixed bunch. There were many grandmothers looking for kids items, scrap merchants wanting to take anything recyclable for pennies on the dollar (even trying to get me to sell my bike that I told them many times was not for sale), older couples looking for something to do that day.

Continue reading..

Wrong Bong causes Ding Dong

20140628-223119.jpgDahlings, here is an example of the main story in the Philippines during my time over there that I was wrote about earlier.

Unless you knew this was a person, you’d wonder what was going on in such a conservative country.

Now if this was a Denver newspaper, this headline would probably be under the business section of the newspaper but with a version of story that ties up with the headline.

Ciao for now,
Cleo.

 

Garlic Bread and Circuses : The Philippines garlic shortage

Smuggled Garlic crushed

Smuggled Garlic crushed

Delicious longganisa served for breakfast

Delicious longganisa served for breakfast

Imelda to prophet

Imelda the prophet

Dahlings, During my trip in Philippines, I got to do something that reminded of times of old – I read the paper versions of the newspapers that were delivered daily to my room. Since I had quite a few moments of no connections, I took time a read to see what is going on with the Philippine chattering classes.

If you didn’t know that the gentle people from Philippines all have nicknames, then the headline story about “Bong being turned in” would make you question what on earth is going on. The actual story was of politicians being busted for fraud and embezzlement.

However, what caught my attention was another ongoing story: a shortage of Garlic. Apparently this was more important to the people on the streets. Even one of Cleo’s Filipina managers, mentioned it. A story about customs seizing a ship full of Garlic made front page. It was even an editorial in there under “Imelda was right”.

Why is this some a big deal: it is a key culinary ingredient of Filipino food. For breakfast, garlic rice. For Lunch also. Guess what then is for dinner?

It is not just rice but Garlic is of course used elsewhere. I got to eat delicious Philippine breakfasts for 5 day in a row. A favorite was the longganisa. Yummy. Philipine star had this as a main story: Garlic prices push cost of ‘longganisa’.

The good news is that the shortage will likely end after the rainy season.

I let out a sigh of relief . With such Garlic shortage, I was glad I was not visiting the Carpathian mountains in Central Romania.

Ciao for now,
Cleo.

Delta Skelter : Stuck on the tarmac

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Queue of planes waiting to take off at Detroit airport

Dahlings, on the US final leg of our return Asia trip, our plane was stuck on the tarmac at DRT waiting for a take off slot. One hour later, the pilot announced that we were number 9 in line. We had no explanation about the delay but that was the end of the good news.

The real news they wanted to give us was that because of the time incurred, the cockpit crew would be exceeding their Federal limit for flying even if they could take off. The result was the plane returning back to the gate to get another crew.

When back at the gate, I posted this event on facebook and one of my Roam’n friends, Andrewmicus, commented “DELTA = Doesn’t Ever Leave The Airport” which cheered me up quite a bit. I like that.

After getting a new crew and having to refuel again, the outcome was the flight arrived at our destination 2.5 hours late.

Still it was good of Delta to express empathy for the delay: Everyone on the plane was offered a complementary cup of water. Thanks..

Ciao for now,
Cleo.

This is just Nuts

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The warning label on the Delta Vegerian Cavier

Dahlings, I was distraught to read the warning label on the Delta’s vegetarian caviar known by the Plebeians as “Peanuts”.

It turns out the peanuts were produced in a facility that processes…peanuts.

Ciao for now,
Cleo.

 

Arms and the man: Strange hotel rules

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Firearms rules at BCC

Dahlings, I got a kick out of this. This “Firearms” rule has to be one of the strangest for any accommodation establishment that I have stayed in.

Cleo was going to complain about it as it is rulerist – Dahlings, I AM a Roam’n Emperor and in my prior gig, Queen of Egypt etc which is much better than any President- then I remembered I don’t have any such items anyhow. Silly me.

Good news is that there were no rules about asps, so I’ll just put them in the wicker basket marked “For laundry”. Nobody will disturb them there.

Ciao for now,
Cleo.

 

What a Sock of Crocs: The Censorship of poor dress sense

Dress code at Baguio Country Club

Dress code at Baguio Country Club

Dahlings, I was tickled pink hearing about the dress code of Baguio Country Club where I am staying. I have never heard of a “No Rubber Slippers” rule.

Not only that but it  rule that says “we don’t care about who you are, the brand or how much it cost you” !

I just love this. No Crocs. Finally, a place of decorum.

Not only that but tank tops, mini-skirts or mini-shorts are not allowed.  On the first night on the Veranda, an American party being turned away for well, dressing American. Tee hee.

Thinking this is an attempt to subtly control the influence of American poor taste, I didn’t think about it until I was visiting the Cathedral at Baguio. Low behold, I spy yet another dress code. This time it cannot be aimed at the Yanks but locals. Oh dear. Armani, where art thou?

Ciao for now, Cleo.

 

Dress code for Baguio Cathedral

Dress code for Baguio Cathedral

Highway to Hell: A trip up the mountain with a maniac driver

Back seat view of ride to doom

Dahlings, little did I know that I would be following on to my prior article so soon:  the one about a demon attacking an aircraft engine mid flight and the traveler going out of his mind.

Cleo is in Philippines and traveling with a colleague from Manila to our final destination of Baguio city. A car driver was there to pick us up from our Makati hotel and Manila traffic was relatively light. Once out of Manila, the journey took us up the North Luzon highway and the driver followed the speed limits. All seemed to be good. All very pleasant and relaxing.

That is until the North Luzon highway ended and old world Philippine roads began. Since it is the rainy season with the weather forecast was for rain for next 7 days, it also started to rain. However, the rain was really Rain not rain.

The change in roads and weather was the cue for our driver to change gear from cruise to maniac. Overtaking, undertaking. Straight roads, blind bends. School zones, countryside, towns.  Motorbikes, Jeepnies, pedestrians, dogs, cattle all had to obey the tooting command from our car horn to get out of the way.

Even Cleo’s Collegue who comes from an old world country, was mortified with what we were seeing. Visibility was terrible and many oncoming drivers didn’t have their lights. Even when the car’s back end skidded going around bends and we climbed into the hills, the driver did not relent is his mission.

Good news is we got to our destination safe albeit very early.

I now understand why the Philippines is such a religious country: Any moment now, you may be meeting your maker.

Ciao for now, Cleo.