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Vanity Unfair

The rub after a tug: Flight 26 hits a wall

The rub after a tug: Flight 26 hits a wall. Copyright R.Schlecker / Twitter

Dahlings, A Virgin Atlantic plane was getting a push out of it’s gate in JFK, when it’s wing tip hit a wall.

Flight 26, scheduled for departure at 8:30 am, unsurprisingly gets cancelled.

Were any passengers hurt Cleo you may ask?

None but it did however, delay 226 passengers since they are not many transatlantic flights in the morning. Most fly out in the later afternoon or evening, for a morning landing spot in London.

So that would be the end of the story wouldn’t it. People get delayed by plane mishaps, so there’s no story there is there? Continue reading..

33 chinese tourists blacklisted after not so patriot singing

PLA song and dance troup doing a musical about airport etiquette: "Dude where's my plane"

PLA song and dance troup practicing for their vacation trip where they are learning the art of complaining.

Dahlings, you have to hand it to the Chinese.

When some 100 or so Chinese nationals got a 10 hour delay by Orient Thai Airlines, they refused to board plane, demanded a public apology, demanded compensation and insisted the airline use a ‘larger’ plane to fly them home.

In a rebel style so uncharacteristic of the normally restrained Chinese, they then broke out in song.

Ah, how romantic. Continue reading..

French Letters delivered to Dirty Corner

l'art pour l'art. Or something like that.. Photo : AFP/Getty images

l’art pour l’art. Or something like that..Photo : AFP/Getty images

Dahlings, it seems those Parisians ‘ave bin at it again.

They are on strike you mean Cleo?

No, not on strike but someone has vandalized so called works of art that are associated with yer bits and bobs. Previously it was “The Tree” which looked to everyone as a Butt Plug, was punctured by an unappreciative person. This time they have written anti-Semitic graffiti on the Queen’s organs.

But isn’t Queen Elizabeth about to celebrate to celebrate being the longest monarch in British history. What is someone doing vandalizing the Queen’s organ? What does Price Philip have to say about that? Continue reading..

Teen’s alarming clock sets off security scare

Tweet from Canada's Peel Police.

Tweet from Canada’s Peel Police advising not to bring things which look suspicious to the airport.

Dahlings, What is it with some teenagers when it come to air travel?

Back in July, we had 16 year old James McElvar (see my post) who didn’t want to pay for carry on luggage so wore four layers of clothes. He then blacked out on the plane due to heat exhaustion.

Now I hear about a 15 year old teen who took his alarm clock with him in hand luggage in Toronto Pearson airport.

“What’s wrong with that Cleo?” you ask. Continue reading..

Champagne cork pops EasyJet’s bubble

EasyJet deals

EasyJet “Champagne” selection. Maybe they should stick to beer.

Dahlings, after all these planes making emergency landing due to hail, another flight by UK’s EasyJet on the way from London to Turkey had to make an emergency landing in Milan, Italy.

The reason being it was damaged by a champagne cork.

One couple had ordered a bottle of champagne and after the flight attendant opened it, the cork smashed through ceiling panels causing all the oxygen masks to fall ! After that the pilot diverted to Italy to make emergency repairs. Continue reading..

Wacks works

Life like images (yeh right..) of Wax figures in China :Copyright EuroPics.

Life like images (yeh right..) of Wax figures in China :Copyright EuroPics.

Dahlings, I had a good old hearty laugh after reading about the wax works exhibits in Sichaun, China which looked nothing like the originals.

The set of hideously ugly ‘celebrity’ wax models at Huaying Mountain Wax Museum is garnering widespread ridicule from the Chinese public, reported People’s Daily Online.

In fact, some celebrities are said to be thinking about legal action against the museum stating that they had not given permission for the wax works to be made.

What is going on ? These are terrible: Even Caligula after an amphorae of wine, could spot the difference.

I thought China could make immaculate knock offs. Just like when I visited Shenzen, I thought I was seeing the Original Eiffel tower. It was the only the lack of pickpockets, rude frenchies and fact that it was open, gave it away that I was not in Paris.

Shenzen's Window of the World: Quickest way to see the world..

Our of my previous visits to Schenzen. Or was it Paris or Greece or Egypt..

But it is not a really Madame Tussaud’s. The real -non-knock off one – has figurines so lifelike, in Las Vegas has had to call in extra security after one of it’s exhibits of Nicky ‘Anaconda’ Minaj, attracted the wrong type of people having naughty poses with the artiste.

Vegas has standards you know and they can’t have that sort of thing going on you know.

You to go to the lap dance place next door. That way, they can make more money off you.

Ciao for now,
Cleo.

Thank you for flying Van Gogh Earlines

New look of the Jet2 set

New look of the Jet2 set

Darlings, last year almost to the day, I wrote about UK budget airline Jet2 where a promotion to give out free air tickets caused a massive brawl instead. [See Fight Club Class]

This time the story Jet2 is in the news with a passenger who had his ear bitten off while flying from Newcastle to Ibiza. It happened just as the plane was about to land.

From the Daily Mail:

One passenger told the Daily Mirror that the victim ran to the front of the plane when it landed covered in blood, with ‘half his ear just hanging off’.

He added: ‘It was a relief to get off and an absolutely horrible thing to happen in a confined space in front of families.’

Another witness told the paper: ‘It was absolutely sickening. To bite someone’s ear off on a plane packed with other people at such close quarters and with families sitting around him is absolutely appalling, people were getting off the plane complaining of feeling physically sick.’

Not sure why they are bringing families into it as if it there were no kids around, it would it be ok but that is Geordies for you, a hard bunch.

You know what Dahlings, they really should look at giving out peanuts like their US Cousins Southwest does to keep hunger at bay. It seems to help as you never see this sort of thing across the pond.

Ciao for now,
Cleo

PS: I still love the Jet2 logo.

Jet2 Logo: Unfriendly low passengers !

Reality: Unfriendly low passengers !

In the heat of the moment

James McElvar: a bit overdressed for his travels

Dahlings, yet another pop star wanna be, James McElvar from ‘boyband’ REWIND, passed out on an EasyJet flight and violently threw up on board. An ambulance was called and after treatment, McElvar thankfully turned out ok.

The EasyJet was going from Stanstead to Jimmy’s home town of Glasgow.

This story was absolutely shocking in that it was NOT about the Stereotype Scotsman getting paralytic drunk by mid afternoon and passing out.

NOR was it about another Stereotype of an unruly misunderstood pop star diva experiencing the uhm, high life.

Instead, we need to keep an open mind. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the evidence:

  • The reason Jimmy passed out was due to heat exhaustion.
  • The reason Jimmy had heat exhaustion was that he was wearing 12 layers of clothes.
  • The reason Jimmy was wearing 12 layer of clothes was that he didn’t want to to pay £45 to check in one of his pieces of hand luggage.

Move along there now. No Scottish Stereotypes to see here. Aye, right!

Ciao for now,
Cleo.

Hilton dis-HHonors

Empress Paris

Dahlings, Did any of you see that Middle Eastern TV prank where Paris Hilton was on a plane that was about to crash? To save you watching it, Paris freaked out where she understandably did not want to die and when it was finally revealed it was a prank, she was visibly upset.

A few days later, it was widely reported in the rags that she was sueing for emotional distress.

It now turns out that Paris was in on the stunt where she had been paid a million dollars according to TMV.

Well, I wasn’t taken in. I KNEW she was faking it.

The give away was that she once on board, she didn’t yell multiple times “I will fucking own anyone on this flight; they are fucking peasants!” in the manner of her similar talented sibling Conrad Hilton III upon a British Airways flight.

Oh Paris what are we going to do with you?

I look to the literati for guidance and who better than mon ami Jean Cocteau’s ‘Le Coq et l’Arlequin’:

In Paris, everybody wants to be an actor; nobody is content to be a spectator.

Oh la la.

Ciao for now,
Cleo.

Model Behaviour. Not so Super.

Not Kate but he gathered no moss. She somewhat looks like him…

Dahlings, Have you heard the scandal about Kate, the model aboard an EasyJet flight?

I refer not to Kim K’s new step mom who graced Vanity Fair, but Kate Moss the super model who according to the Daily Mail, was met by Bedfordshire Constabulary upon landing in Luton Airport. Apparently Ms Moss was reported as being rather ‘excitable’ on the EasyJet flight where she was rumored to have been swigging vodka from her own personal supply. Calling out the Old Bill for drunk passengers sampling their BYOA is a standard practice for UK bound aircraft.

I was horrified reading this. Afterall, isn’t a top model supposed to be drinking Champagne?

By the way, what  is she doing flying EasyJet? I guess EasyJet let’s anybody on these days. Still if it good enough for Brad and Angelina, and  HRH Prince Billy to fly with the plebs, who am I to criticize ?

Apparently, as Kate was being led away, she called the Pilot the double barreled B Word. OOOHHHH !! She called the pilot a “Basic Bitch”.

Huh you say? “Basic Bitch” is a trendy US put down line for “riff raff”.

Oh, Kate Dahling, you shouldn’t have. Such witty repartee is wasted on the EasyJet crowd – they were going to Luton afterall – You should have reserved this for your cultured “in” crowd.

The best laugh to this story was a Grauniad feminarticle by Suzanne Moore titled “If your idea of hell is sitting next to Kate Moss on an easyJet flight, you must be dead inside”. The gist of it was:

Women cannot enjoy themselves, especially charming and tipsy ones, without provoking outrage and moralising.

One of Ms Moore’s argument was that she wasn’t as bad as some other Male stars – Ian Brown of the Stone Roses, REM’s Peter Buck, Conrad Hilton of “Fucking Peasant’s quote, or our favorite wizman, Gerard Depardeu which Trajan talked about previously. Thus Moore’s logic being that anybody who didn’t like women behaving badly in public, hated women. QED, Easyjet flight attendents , who are also likely to be female, are also haters. Uh ok, Suzzy.

As usual, the best thing as usual about any Guardian pieces are the educated comments. One wag picked up on the men hating theme and termed it “Moss-ogyny”.

Now THAT is what I call wit. It’s Basic. Bitches.

Ciao for Now,
Cleo.