Artiller(y) the Han

A case study in how to get arrested: Man with a funny shaped object caused a Kerfuffle at Xiamen airport.

Dahlings, when I wrote about the teenager who brought bomb shaped clock to Toronto airport in his hand luggage, I thought it was the hormones taking over the common sense part of the brain.

After all, no right minded adult would carry anything looking like a bomb in their hand carry onto an airplane would they?

Except Chen Liang, aged 39, tried to do exactly that in Xiamen Airport when he brought a souvenir which was empty artillery shell in his hand carry. What is more, after he was arrested he couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Continue reading..

Hawaii Five oh !

Kirsten looking very Sharp !

Dahlings, HAWAII NEWS NOW (ok, ok, I’ll stop shouting but that is from their logo) has an exclusive story about a 34 year old Realtor, Kirsten Sharp from Kona Hawaii, who was detained by the FBI for interfering with a flight attendant on a budget airline, Allegiant flight.

Witnesses are saying that Ms. Sharp used an e-cigarette as she entered the aircraft in Las Vegas, and an FA told her to put it out, which she did.

After take off, the same witnesses said Kirsten started vaping again in the front seat and was again told by the FA to put it out. She later crept off into the lav for a secret puff. Continue reading..

Where the bloody hell are you? Not in the water that’s for sure..

How to rile up a Daily Mail reader

Dahlings, the Daily Mail tells me that in 2015, there were 34 Gold coast drownings and 29 shark attacks throughout Australia. Stinger Season, Ocean Rips and Crocodiles pose risks across the nation.

Oh. My. Gawd. Let’s send a telex or a paprus runner to Dame Edna to cancel our plans to go to Australia.

As if it is going to make the DM sound all broadsheet-y, the piece alludes to some reports and figures. I particularly like this one fictbit:

Nearly half of these drownings occurred at beaches and were largely males – at popular spots like Bondi Beach in eastern Sydney, which saw the death of a father-of-two in July last year.

The beach is known for its uncompromising ocean rips – strong currents of water – which drags unsuspecting tourists past their depth and leaves local lifesavers with the task of saving them.

In February 1938 in Bondi, a day that became known as Black Sunday, huge waves and a sudden rip saw 245 people rescued, 35 left unconscious and 5 swimmers dead by accidental drowning.

1938? How contemporary can you be DM Continue reading..

Vanity Unfair

The rub after a tug: Flight 26 hits a wall. Copyright R.Schlecker / Twitter

Dahlings, A Virgin Atlantic plane was getting a push out of it’s gate in JFK, when it’s wing tip hit a wall.

Flight 26, scheduled for departure at 8:30 am, unsurprisingly gets cancelled.

Were any passengers hurt Cleo you may ask?

None but it did however, delay 226 passengers since they are not many transatlantic flights in the morning. Most fly out in the later afternoon or evening, for a morning landing spot in London.

So that would be the end of the story wouldn’t it. People get delayed by plane mishaps, so there’s no story there is there? Continue reading..

33 chinese tourists blacklisted after not so patriot singing

PLA song and dance troup practicing for their vacation trip where they are learning the art of complaining.

Dahlings, you have to hand it to the Chinese.

When some 100 or so Chinese nationals got a 10 hour delay by Orient Thai Airlines, they refused to board plane, demanded a public apology, demanded compensation and insisted the airline use a ‘larger’ plane to fly them home.

In a rebel style so uncharacteristic of the normally restrained Chinese, they then broke out in song.

Ah, how romantic. Continue reading..

French Letters delivered to Dirty Corner

l’art pour l’art. Or something like that..Photo : AFP/Getty images

Dahlings, it seems those Parisians ‘ave bin at it again.

They are on strike you mean Cleo?

No, not on strike but someone has vandalized so called works of art that are associated with yer bits and bobs. Previously it was “The Tree” which looked to everyone as a Butt Plug, was punctured by an unappreciative person. This time they have written anti-Semitic graffiti on the Queen’s organs.

But isn’t Queen Elizabeth about to celebrate to celebrate being the longest monarch in British history. What is someone doing vandalizing the Queen’s organ? What does Price Philip have to say about that? Continue reading..

Teen’s alarming clock sets off security scare

Tweet from Canada’s Peel Police advising not to bring things which look suspicious to the airport.

Dahlings, What is it with some teenagers when it come to air travel?

Back in July, we had 16 year old James McElvar (see my post) who didn’t want to pay for carry on luggage so wore four layers of clothes. He then blacked out on the plane due to heat exhaustion.

Now I hear about a 15 year old teen who took his alarm clock with him in hand luggage in Toronto Pearson airport.

“What’s wrong with that Cleo?” you ask. Continue reading..

Champagne cork pops EasyJet’s bubble

EasyJet “Champagne” selection. Maybe they should stick to beer.

Dahlings, after all these planes making emergency landing due to hail, another flight by UK’s EasyJet on the way from London to Turkey had to make an emergency landing in Milan, Italy.

The reason being it was damaged by a champagne cork.

One couple had ordered a bottle of champagne and after the flight attendant opened it, the cork smashed through ceiling panels causing all the oxygen masks to fall ! After that the pilot diverted to Italy to make emergency repairs. Continue reading..

Wacks works

Life like images (yeh right..) of Wax figures in China :Copyright EuroPics.

Dahlings, I had a good old hearty laugh after reading about the wax works exhibits in Sichaun, China which looked nothing like the originals.

The set of hideously ugly ‘celebrity’ wax models at Huaying Mountain Wax Museum is garnering widespread ridicule from the Chinese public, reported People’s Daily Online.

In fact, some celebrities are said to be thinking about legal action against the museum stating that they had not given permission for the wax works to be made.

What is going on ? These are terrible: Even Caligula after an amphorae of wine, could spot the difference.

I thought China could make immaculate knock offs. Just like when I visited Shenzen, I thought I was seeing the Original Eiffel tower. It was the only the lack of pickpockets, rude frenchies and fact that it was open, gave it away that I was not in Paris.

Our of my previous visits to Schenzen. Or was it Paris or Greece or Egypt..

But it is not a really Madame Tussaud’s. The real -non-knock off one – has figurines so lifelike, in Las Vegas has had to call in extra security after one of it’s exhibits of Nicky ‘Anaconda’ Minaj, attracted the wrong type of people having naughty poses with the artiste.

Vegas has standards you know and they can’t have that sort of thing going on you know.

You to go to the lap dance place next door. That way, they can make more money off you.

Ciao for now,
Cleo.

Thank you for flying Van Gogh Earlines

New look of the Jet2 set

Darlings, last year almost to the day, I wrote about UK budget airline Jet2 where a promotion to give out free air tickets caused a massive brawl instead. [See Fight Club Class]

This time the story Jet2 is in the news with a passenger who had his ear bitten off while flying from Newcastle to Ibiza. It happened just as the plane was about to land.

From the Daily Mail:

One passenger told the Daily Mirror that the victim ran to the front of the plane when it landed covered in blood, with ‘half his ear just hanging off’.

He added: ‘It was a relief to get off and an absolutely horrible thing to happen in a confined space in front of families.’

Another witness told the paper: ‘It was absolutely sickening. To bite someone’s ear off on a plane packed with other people at such close quarters and with families sitting around him is absolutely appalling, people were getting off the plane complaining of feeling physically sick.’

Not sure why they are bringing families into it as if it there were no kids around, it would it be ok but that is Geordies for you, a hard bunch.

You know what Dahlings, they really should look at giving out peanuts like their US Cousins Southwest does to keep hunger at bay. It seems to help as you never see this sort of thing across the pond.

Ciao for now,
Cleo

PS: I still love the Jet2 logo.

Reality: Unfriendly low passengers !