Archive

Monthly Archives: May 2016

I name this ship…Boaty Mc..Wait a minute

I am sure you will all be heartbroken to hear that UK Government has scotched the popular vote to name the polar research ship “Boaty McBoatface” : The ship will now be named “RSS Sir David Attenborough”.

Serves you right plebians for even thinking that your opinion counts for anything.

We at Roam very much like David Attenborough and if you are unfamiliar with who he is, here is a clip. We have enjoyed his many natural history programs over the years. Congratulations David or should I say Davy McDaveface.


See our previous posts: Giving the people what they want !  and McBoatface wins the boat race

You’re talking the Mickey

Gospel according to Mick

Oi Roamans, my Favorite corporate leader Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary has spoken again. This time he wants to shoot the cyclists of Dublin.

From cyclingweekly.co.uk:

He may have been speaking at the Creative Minds conference in Dublin, but Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary won’t win any creativity awards for his thoughts on what to do with cyclists.

The outspoken Irishman hit out at Dublin City Council’s plans to make the city a more appealing place for cyclists.

“That’s all we need in Dublin is more blooming bicycles,” he said, reported in the Irish Independent. “In a country where it rains about 250 days a year, the way forward for Dublin is more bicycles.

“Let’s just go back to walking altogether. Soon we’ll be living in caves designed by Dublin City Council. Traffic won’t work, there’s nowhere to park the cars and yet this is a smarter way forward.

“We should take the cyclists out and shoot them.”

…..

He added: “I want to drive and I expect Dublin City [Council] to come up with a smarter way for me to get around Dublin and be able to park my car somewhere in the middle of Dublin without it being dug up every six weeks so we can have some other faddy non sustainable public transport solution.”

This is the same Micheal who got himself a Taxi company with one car (but never accepted any fairs for anyone other than himself) in order to use the fast lanes in Dublin. Noice !!

Micheal O’Leary is INFAMOUS. Some things attributed to him in 2009 (The Guardian):

On charging for using the toilet
“All this pious stuff about … you can’t charge for entering the toilet. All right then, we’ll charge you to exit the toilets.”

On charging for using the toilet (part two)
“If someone wanted to pay £5 to go to the toilet I would carry them myself. I would wipe their bums for a fiver.”

On the company that runs Stansted airport
“A bunch of overcharging rapists.”

On opening up new routes
“I don’t give a toss where people want to go. I’m in the business of creating a market for people to go where they have never heard of.”

On launching a Frankfurt route
“Jürgen [Weber, Lufthansa chairman] says Germans don’t like low fares. How the fuck does he know? The Germans will crawl bollock-naked over broken glass to get them.”

On Ryanair’s no-refund policy
“What part of no refund don’t you understand? You are not getting a refund so fuck off.”

On the recession (in Feb 2008)
“We would welcome a good, deep, bloody recession in this country for 12 to 18 months … It would help see off the environmental nonsense.”

On environmentalists
“We want to annoy the fuckers … The best thing we can do with environmentalists is shoot them … They are luddites marching us back to the 18th century.”

On women
“If you want to stay on your knees, by all means I’d encourage you … Sorry, I’ve forgotten the question … there was a very pretty girl on her knees there in front of me.”

On himself
“I don’t give a shit if nobody likes me.”

Other things he has said over the years:

  • “The French have never produced a great philosopher. Great wine maybe, but no great philosophers.”
  • “If drink sales are falling off, we get the pilots to engineer a bit of turbulence. That usually spikes sales.”
  • On passengers who forget to print their boarding passes: “We think they should pay €60 for being so stupid.”
  • “Anyone who thinks Ryanair flights are some sort of bastion of sanctity where you can contemplate your navel is wrong. We already bombard you with as many in-flight announcements and trolleys as we can. Anyone who looks like sleeping, we wake them up to sell them things.”
  • “Ryanair brings lots of different cultures to the beaches of Spain, Greece and Italy, where they couple and copulate in the interests of pan-European peace.”
  • “One thing we have looked at is maybe putting a coin slot on the toilet door, so that people might actually have to spend a pound to spend a penny in the future. Pay-per-pee. If someone wanted to pay £5 to go to the toilet, I’d carry them myself. I would wipe their bums for a fiver.”
  • “Do we carry rich people on our flights? Yes, I flew on one this morning and I’m very rich.”
  • To a Ryanair employee who dared to join the Twitter Q&A: “Get back to work you slacker or you’re fired.”
  • Opening a press conference to announce Ryanair’s annual results: “I’m here with Howard Millar and Michael Cawley, our two deputy chief executives. But they’re presently making love in the gentleman’s toilets, such is their excitement at today’s results.”
  • On why his bride arrived 35 minutes late for their wedding: “She’s coming here with Aer Lingus.”
  • “You’re not getting a refund so fuck off. We don’t want to hear your sob stories. What part of ‘no refund’ don’t you understand?”
  • “Screw the travel agents. Take the fuckers out and shoot them. What have they done for passengers over the years?”
  • “Why are we carrying 81 million passengers if we’re this terrible? We have the lowest fares, we have brand-new aircraft, we have the most on-time flights. It sounds like kind of a fucking Mormon Moonie session but we do.”
  • “The most influential person in Europe in the last 20 to 30 years has been Margaret Thatcher. Without her we’d all be living in some French bloody unemployed republic.”
  • “We want to annoy the fuckers whenever we can. The best thing you can do with environmentalists is shoot them. These headbangers want to make air travel the preserve of the rich. They are luddites marching us back to the 18th century. If preserving the environment means stopping poor people flying so the rich can fly, then screw it.”
  • On the British Airways/Iberia merger: “It reminds me of two drunks leaning on each other.”
  • “MBA students come out with: ‘My staff is my most important asset.’ Bullshit. Staff is usually your biggest cost. We all employ some lazy bastards who needs a kick up the backside, but no one can bring themselves to admit it.”
  • His response to the first questioner, a woman, during a live Twitter Q&A: “Nice pic. Phwoaaarr! MOL”
  • “All flights are fuelled with Leprechaun wee and my bullshit!”
  • “If global warming meant temperatures rose by one or two degrees, France would become a desert, which would be no bad thing. The Scots would grow wine and make buffalo mozzarella.”
  • “I’m Europe’s most underpaid and underappreciated boss. I’m paid about 20 times more than the average Ryanair employee and I think the gap should be wider.”
  • On Bertie Ahern: “I’m disrespectful towards authority. I think the prime minister of Ireland is a gobshite”
  • “The airline industry is full of bullshitters, liars and drunks. We excel at all three in Ireland.”
  • “The airline business is it is mostly run by a bunch of spineless nincompoops who actually don’t want to stand up to the environmentalists and call them the lying wankers that they are.”
  • “People either see me as Jesus, Superman or an odious little shit. I think I’m Jesus. A prophet in his own time.
  • “Ryanair’s biggest achievement? Bringing low fares to Europe and still lowering ’em. Biggest failure? Hiring me.”
  • On a bomb scare in Scotland: “The police force were outstanding in their field. But all they did was stand in their field. They kept passengers on board while they played with a suspect package for two and three quarter hours. Extraordinary.”
  • “I should get the Nobel peace prize – screw Bono.”
  • “Nobody wants to sit beside a really fat bastard on board. We have been frankly astonished at the number of customers who not only want to tax fat people but torture them.”
  • “I don’t give a shit if no one likes me. I’m not a cloud bunny or an aerosexual. I don’t like aeroplanes. I never wanted to be a pilot like those other platoons of goons who populate the airline industry.”

Finally, there is this press conference where Micheal talks about doing a Transatlantic flight option. Pay attention to the features of Business Class option.

LURVE IT  !!!! Top man Micheal.

Cali.

Happy Sinkhole de Mayo !

Party ? I Mayo Maynot attendNew Orleans : On April 29th a large sink hole appeared on Canal Street near a tunnel running underneath Hurrah’s Casino. For those not familiar with the place, Canal street is one of the City’s busiest streets. Not good if you ask me.

The location of the collapse was a few feet from where Mayor Mitch Landrieu and his infrastructure team had been a few hours previously. From Nola.com:

“This is nothing short of incredible,” Landrieu said. “Unfortunately, it’s not a surprise,” given the city’s creaking infrastructure and unstable soil, he said. “Still, I’ve never seen anything like it.”

The cost to repair is estimated at $3 and will take 6 months.

A day before the Canal Street incident, there was there was a sink hole at Constantinople Street (Why isn’t it Istanbul street you may ask?).

To complete the Fleur de merde, on 4th of May there was a recent one at Taft Place.

However, that is not why I am posting – After all, sink holes around the US are pretty routine news unless that is it manages to envelope the Mayor and it’s infrastructure team with them – but since New Orleans is a party town, what better way to face up with the City falling apart than to have a party : Sinkhole  de Mayo” – see their facebook page. If  number of accepting is correct, 1600 people will attend.

The original intent to have it near the Canal Street hole has been scotched due to safety reasons. It will be held at Woldenberg Riverfront Park, in front of the Aquarium of the Americas.

Enjoy !


Postscript: This is not the only time that Sink Hole has been turned around to be a tourist attraction – see “The money Pit” and the National Corvette Museum.

What’s in a name? Plenty if the airport WIFI is called “Detonation Device”

Sign languageDahlings, it has been such a long time (2 days) since we’ve posted something concerning Australia , so let’s tell give you something to keep you going.

A Quantas flight at Melbourne airport was evacuated after a passenger noted the name of a WiFi hotspot was “Mobile Detonation device”. She naturally notified the flight crew who in turn called in airport security. From UK’s “Daily Telegraph

Security officials checked the plane but were unable to find a threat and cleared the flight to leave.

“The pilot said a particular passenger had gone to log on and a hotspot name has come up with one which was a scare to Qantas and passengers,” a passenger told Channel Seven.

“The pilot made us aware and said they were going to take proper security precautions… After half an hour no one came forward, the Wi-Fi covered a fair distance so [it] could have been someone in the terminal.”

Qantas offered to transfer concerned passengers to alternative flights.

An estimated fifty passengers – about half of those on board – opted to take a different flight.

Not surprisingly, nobody volunteered to be behind the prank. A Quantas spokesman said ‘he believed the scare was caused by “some immature person, possibly in the terminal”’.

So let me put on my serious typing tone and remind you that “Security is not a laughing matter”. I am shocked (not really but I need to say that…) I tell you that someone always spoils it for the rest of them.

At the very least they have attempted to make it a profanity instead but there again, this is Australia and profanities are daily speech in some circles though Australians usually do come up with a different way of naming things (For example, Who else would name a horse “Bill the Bastard“?)

That being said, here are some prior submissions too give you pranksters some ideas:

Some humorous Wi-Fi names that should not cause security alert

Ciao for now,
Cleo.

An Indian take away

Karma suit Ya?

Karma suit Ya? The company doing the dirty to Uber

Uber is in court again. This time they are not the defender where in this World War on Taxis (WW T), they are taking their rival Ola to court in India.

From Reuters:

A flurry of complaints from Uber drivers about an unusually high number of canceled bookings was the spark that ignited a bitter legal fight with Ola, Uber’s rival for dominance of India’s $12 billion taxi market, according to court documents and a source with direct knowledge of Uber’s case.  

Uber is suing Ola for $7.5 million to compensate for lost revenue and goodwill, alleging the Indian market leader created about 94,000 fake user accounts with the ride-hailing service and used them to make more than 405,000 false bookings.

The broad outlines of the lawsuit were reported when it was filed last month, but a Reuters review of court filings and interviews with sources close to both sides have uncovered new details about how Uber says it was able to trace fake bookings and calls to Ola employees, and Ola’s response to the allegations.

I am shocked—shocked—to find that there dirty tricks going on here!

Before you all jump to Uber’s defence, I’d like to remind our Roaman audience of a prior instance where Uber was accused by Lyft of doing the very same thing in the US. – see ” NOW, PLAY NICE AND SHARE : UBER DIRTY TRICKS ON IT’S COMPETITOR, LYFT“.

Oh I love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning.