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2016 April | Roads-2-Roam.com


Monthly Archives: April 2016

Redback bites man down under

Don't bite me bro !

Don’t bite me bro !


I winced where I heard about this story with the headline “MAN BITTEN BY VENOMOUS SPIDER ON HIS JOHNSON“, in the Sky Valley Chronicle  (“The #1 Read & Rated Sky Valley News Source & Only Daily Paper in the Sky Valley!”-Love it!!! ) :

(SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA) — This may make you think twice before you ever again use a portable toilet (aka Porta-Potty, the blue dunker, honey pot, blumpkin, pit stop, tinkle tower, blow out shack, boom-boom room, the dirty squirty etc.) at a campground or construction site.

An Australian man had his day (presumably) ruined recently, ending up at a hospital, after a venomous red spider bit him right on his Johnson (aka the man muscle, boom stick, the impaler, one-eyed-luv snake, the big salami, schlong, skin flute, the wang, the Jimmy Johnson and last but very least, penis).

Couldn’t have written it better myself though I may have used different words for the Penis  – we have Pecker,  John Thomas, Cock, Donger, Old Fella, Snag, Tool, dick – and that is not even trying too hard.

The Australian ‘Daily Telegraph’ has a more routine headline” Redback bites Sydney man’s penis in portaloo” which tells us of a 21 year old “Tradie” who using a Portaloo on a building site when the spider bit him on his genitalia about 8.45am. (..as if the time matters !).

Paramedics were initially called to the scene, but a NSW Ambulance spokesman said the bitten man managed to make his own way to hospital for treatment.

He’s somehow managed to get alternative transport to hospital,” he said.

Too bloody right. I would steal a train, plane, automobile, taxi, moped, bicycle or sprint there !

In the same Telegraph article, there as some helpful information about redbacks and being bitten while on the lav.

“Going back 80 years or so when people were still using outhouse toilets it was extremely common, something like up to 80 per cent of cases of spider bites were bites on the male genitalia,” he said

“Typically they were using the toilet. But it’s much less common now, I can’t think of a case.”

Redback anti-venom was developed in the early 1950s and deaths are typically very rare, however 22-year-old Jayden Burleigh died earlier this month of complications following a spider bite.

If bitten, patients are advised to apply an ice pack or cold compress and call emergency services.

“A bite from a redback is certainly going to make the patient very miserable, but it’s very uncommon to die as we’ve had an anti-venom for more than 50 years,” he said.

There’s more. Apparently 2000 people are bitten every year by Redback Spider in Australia and are the source for stories about “spiders on the dunny”.

As Australian Academy of Science’s Associate Professor Bryan Fry says : “But of all the places to get bitten and of all the spiders, he had to pick this one. The redback has to be the most painful spider in Australia.”

PS: I’ll betcha’ll are wondering if the Workie secretly said “Doc – take away the pain but leave the swelling”.


Terrierists attack Australia

Dahlings, Have you seen Johnny Depps and Amber Heard’s new film?

Is it Caribbean Pirate adventure Cleo? That has some relevance but nope. What about An Alice in Wonderland II? That was a strange movie wasn’t it but nope.

Let me put you out of your misery as I don’t think you are going to get it.

It is a public apology ! Mrs Depp was busted for illegally bringing their two pampered mutts into Australia on their private plane.

Australia has strict quarantine laws and Amber attempted to sneak them in by falsely filling out declaration forms. She faced up to 10 years in Prison and at one stage, the dogs – Pistol and Boo – were threatened with being destroyed if the dogs “didn’t bugger off back to the US“. So why were the visiting Australia, Johnny was filming yet another Pirates in the Caribbean movie.

For the record, if you bring animals into Australia, then they may have to go into a period of quarantine. See Aussie govt site where Australia has a bad history of bringing Animals in which go amok (Look up Rabbits in Australia). Besides, they have enough scary animals – Fauna as well as human- in Australia as it is and don’t want any more scary animals like 5 lb Yorkies.

So back to the video. This heartfelt and sincere apology was received with reverence by the public like this:

Twitter reaction from John Johnson

Or this..

Tweet praising Depp's oscar worthy apology

But saving the best for last is Natalie Tran’s behind the scene take of how it was actually made

So Roamans. When you fill out those Immigration forms, remember to not listen to Nancy Reagan. Just say “Yes”.

Ciao for now,

Crying over spilt milk

What 1 Gallon of frozen breast milk looks like. Copyright Jessica Thomas

A story lighting up the internet is of a US mother-of-two has vented on Facebook that she was forced to dump 500oz (14.8 litres) of breast milk at security at London’s Heathrow Airport.

In a long facebook post, Jessica Coakley Martinez posted an ‘open letter to to Aviation Security in Terminal 5’ where said she felt “humiliated”. “You made me dump out nearly two weeks worth of food for my son,” she said.

Some key parts of the story : Her 8 month old baby was not with her; She had a mix of liquid and frozen milk – 2/3rd being frozen; After being told it would be confiscated and then said she wanted to check it in instead, the security said that she could not as she had now passed the border (ie/ it was after passport control). She had not checked rules and regulations ahead of time.

To put this in context, 14.8 litres is almost 4 gallons. That alone will be 32 pounds not counting any cooling aids or insulating container.

This is one mom’s tale , Jessica Thomas of flying with 1 gallon frozen milk in the US where she flew with Southwest. Both Southwest and TSA were sympathetic in handling this but look at how she travelled with 1 gallon cooler. Look how big it this cooler is and this is just for 1 Gallon. Jessica provides some help full information in how to pack insulation and gives some guidance about dry ice. It gets complicated in that dry ice needs to be vented and sealing it could problems..

So what are the rules? From the IAH website you see liquids are limited to >=100ml. There is exceptions for exceeding the 100ml limit for baby milk but the mother must be traveling with an infant.

LHR : The 100ml rule exceptions for breast milk IF the baby is present.

LHR : The 100ml rule exceptions for breast milk IF the baby is present.

Going above this, they recommend checking it into hold luggage. Now as for Terminal 5 and additional controls, it is somewhat hidden on their website but it does point out that in T5 North has additional restrictions that other terminals do not have namely the inability to return to check in as your have now passed immigration. They strictly separate incoming passengers from outgoing passengers and even if Ms Martinez wanted to come back, she’d have to come back in through immigration. Good luck explaining this on your immigration form : purpose of visiting Britain – check in breast milk. How long will you be staying – 2 hours? Place where you’ll be staying – T5. Yeh, pull the other one.

For Terminal 5, you're screwed once you've passed immigation

Note that it says that you can use MailandFly but I very much doubt this would have been applicable here. Firstly, the milk would not keep. Secondly, why would a shipment company handle this : It is a potential bio-hazard if it goes off or leaks during transit.  Third, how would customs have treated this?

Seeking input from an experienced Mom I asked my youngest daughter, Noela, who has 2 toddlers – a 3 year old and a 2 year old where she breast fed both and would often fill up our refrigerator when visiting.

I asked her about this story specifically pumping and freezing it. She said she would freeze it in regular freezer but when I asked her about transporting it, she said she’d do it with dry ice. She then said it would only be good for about 6 hours.

I then asked about transporting 4 gallons on a plane. She burst out laughing and said that is a LOT of milk to be transporting and if traveling transatlantic, would likely go off. I then mentioned that the mom was from California to which she then rolled her eyes.

Noela lived in California and particated in mom groups. She described some as being militant breast feeders and obsessive about their kids. She then added that she didn’t see what the fuss was about. She could simply breast feed the traditional way or heaven forbid, give the kid formula milk.

So in this case, our sympathies do not lie with Ms Martinez. What she was doing -14 litres of milk- was highly irregular especially since you did not have your kid with you. She should have done her homework.

That being said, I’ve had my runs ins with Heathrow security before. Once was when I had my SLR Camera over my neck as there was no room in my backpack and I had a carry on bag of other items. They said 1 carry on so I simply opened my backpack put SLR on top but didn’t close it. After Security, I then removed my SLR and put it back over my neck.

Another was when one of my shoes fell out during the xray screening. The ‘not my job mate’ screeners would not look for it until I found a supervisor.

T5 is also one with occasional problems with the luggage.

However, T5 is an exclusive BA terminal but the bigger issue here is that British Airways has a stupid policy of  charging you to select a seat ahead of time, may make you want to think twice about flying from here. You may getter better deals with the other US airlines. For example, United seems to be cheaper at the moment but this may change in time.

Water water everywhere

StormyMcStromface in Houston

Stormy McStromface in Greater Houston: Roads-2-Roam

Today greater Houston got drenched with up to 16 inches of rain and we have more to come in the next few days. Roads were submerged causing city wide chaos and many bayous breached their banks.  Many cars were lost in the water and unfortunately some people drowned. Houston Metro shut down – no buses,  no trains.

I was due to fly out to Dallas this morning and since the continuous thunder storms had kept me awake every other hour, I was easily awake before my alarm so I listened to radio to got a feeling of what awaited me: Floods, floods and more floods.

A text from Southwest told me my flight was delayed until 10:55 which may just still get me to my intended afternoon meeting – Dallas Love Field is great for getting in and out of the airport. DFW forget it !

As I listened to more radio news, daylight revealed a cop car with it’s lights on my main road out of my place. Since I noticed no traffic whatsoever on an otherwise busy road, it indicated my road was flooded. Killing two birds, I took the dogs out and verified it. Yep, Flooded with even a few stalled out cars.

I told my boss I couldn’t come and went online to cancel my ticket only to see my flight already cancelled. I requested the refund and made breakfast. Some time later, I get the auto email notifying me that my flight is cancelled. Yeh, thanks for nothing SWA especially as I could have been traveling to the airport.

Around the same time, the radio announced that Houston International had cancelled 300 or so flights (Almost 500 in the end) and roads around both airports were flooded. Thus, even if I had tried to drive to Houston Hobby airport, I would not have not made it. It turned out that SWA had cancelled all their domestic flights from Hobby until 4:00 pm – I’ve lived here 17 years and never seen anything like this before. Normally SWA are super at working with storms !

Patricious’ school ISD had cancelled all classes. This I heard from the radio around 6:30 (and getting myself ready to leave for the airport and about to wake him up) , I told him so he could sleep in. As I walked past his room about 15 minutes later I see a light on in his room. Is he watching TV to find out what is going on? Nope, playing Video games. So much for the sleep in. Didn’t even want breakfast.

Before lunch, I drag Patricious to walk in the rain with me and look at the all flooding around us. He was excited to see such as an adventure. The picture taken is outside Patricious’ school. Not very often do you see kayaks in the streets.

Making America Great Again..in London

A great game for Short fingered vulgarians

A great game for Short fingered vulgarians.

Dahlings, An LA artist Ilma Gore, has made a picture of Donald Trump and it’s is not in sidewalk chalk. Ah, there’s nice you may say for a fan to paint a picture of their hero.

There’s a bit more to the story than that – she painted him naked.  Yes – starkers; Nude;In his birthday suite; in the nip; Bare bollock naked ! 

Except the Don didn’t pose à la Lucien Freud for Ilma- It was her impression of the Don where the painting is a bit of a political statement and that painting has now been valued at $1m.

The politics to it all is that she has not made Donald’s Johnson Yuuugge but he is featured with a micropenis.  From her Facebook page “My latest painting “Make America Great Again” Because no matter what is in your pants, you can still be a big prick.” Little hands and all that.

Of course Mr Trump has a thick skin and used to taking satire in his stride, so he laughs it off.

Except that last sentence may not be true and in another Freud reference (Sigmund this time), apparently the Trump Legal team have threatened the artist if she sells it in the US.  Google and ebay have de-listed the painting after an anonymous report of copyright violation under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act.

Hmm, if she painted it, what copyright violation is that ? But this appears to be war.

Donald Duck yes but what the heck has Donald’s Dick got to do with Travel? Hang on, hang on. I will get there.

You see the painting is being shown in a small London art gallery – the Maddox Gallery – that is outside the jurisdiction (or is that jurisdicktion) of the US and the painting has now become a minor tourist attraction. From their website:

Illma Gore’s Make America Great Again – an 11″X 14″ oil and pastel piece of confident-looking presidential hopeful Donald Trump – is generating international debate and polarising opinions, thanks in part to one small detail…

It is currently on show at the Maddox Gallery in Mayfair, London. The work has been incredibly well received, attracting crowds and even causing queues to form outside the gallery. It is certainly generating positive debate, and the story has captured the imagination of the media worldwide.

The artwork has been banned in certain sectors of the US, removed several times from social media due to a Digital Millennium Copyright Act notice, and removed from eBay. However, the artwork is currently available to view at Maddox Gallery in Mayfair, London.

For those wishing to go there – their address is 9 Maddox Street, Mayfair.  Opening times Monday – Friday between 10am – 6pm and Saturday and Sunday, 11am – 6pm.

Of course the Maddox Gallery is are not being truly altruistic in their motives but are trying to peddle ‘art’ to ‘investors’.

Illma Gore’s piece is just one of many artworks available to view and purchase at Maddox Gallery. Investing in emerging contemporary artists such as Illma Gore can potentially provide huge long-term returns, and investment prices at Maddox Gallery start from as little as £5,000.

Blooming amateurs.Haven’t they learned anything? If they are going to be talking up things they are mis-selling it – It is Yuuuugge not huge.

Your fired !

Ciao for now,

McBoatface wins the boat race

It’s official – ‘Boaty McBoatface‘ has won the ask the plebians to name a ship. It got over 124K idjits I mean votes. See Cleo’s prior post “Giving the people what the want“.

The chief executive of the NERC, Duncan Wingham, now faces the hard choice of choosing between the credibility of his organisation and public opinion.

Duncan, as we were have to deal with the masses, let me give you a hint: I am sure the public will not really care what it is named.  Watch”Life of Brian” and fast forward to “Welease Woger” to see why they titter so.

Continuing the trend, I see there is now a horse in Australia called “Horsey McHorseface“. Afterall, it was the Aussies who originated this a few ago when a Tazmanian zoo asked primary school kids to adopt an name an owl. And so they did…”Hooty McOwlface”.

This was much better than the name they gave to an Emu -Spazzy McGee ! Kids eh.

Days when it is a zoo at the zoo

One Trip Advisor review of Houston Zoo - avoid Free day !

One  recent Trip Advisor review of Houston Zoo – avoid Free day !

The other day there was a major brawl in Houston Zoo parking lot between a few mothers that hit the interweb. Fights in Houston parking lots are usually not newsworthy but it does bring up something we have been wanting to talk about – Free days.

Many of Houston’s children attractions – Zoo, Children’s Museum, Houston Museum of Natural Science – run Children’s day or free days which naturally lead to a surge of people taking advantage of it. While it is free, the crowds (and the caliber of the public) that accompany this may ruin your day out. So what are the Free days for places that normally charge in Houston:

While some of these like the Holocaust museum are unlikely to attract the hoi polloi, some areas do so if like me you’d rather pay to avoid the crowds, make note that this.

And this is not just a Houston thing either. Many cities have such free days for museums or their zoos- This post on Trip Advisor gives advice for Chicago free museum days. Here is another about Kansas Zoo free day. And if you still don’t believe us, another on the Bronx Zoo free day.

Finally those who want to see the zoo scrap, here is the local news report.

Weird Houston – Video of the Orange Show Foundatation

We’ve been expanding Roam and branching out into the video making game. While I don’t think Steven Spielburg will be worried about any competition, this is our first video,”Weird Houston”. It oveview the four unique attractions (or repulsions,depending on how you’d view bizarre art) of the Orange Show Foundation.

You may recognize some of these from our post ‘Oranges are not the only fruit‘ from the Summer of 2015. We have a follow on video in the works on the 2016 Art Car Parade so watch this space.

Cha-Cha-Changes: You’re Gro-Gro-Grounded

All was not dandy on an AA flight to Chicago

All was not dandy on an AA flight

Dahlings, I guess being a dedicated follower of fashion through out the day isn’t the thing to do anymore as Mr Jermiah Thede found out when he changed his clothes three times.

Three times – What is wrong with that Cleo?

Well, it’s a bit of a perception problem if you are doing it during a transatlantic flight from Rome to Chicago in plebeian class while you have not been on double secret probation for not behaving yourself. Apparently, Mr Thede had angrily told the American Airline FA he could ‘have all the F’ing peanuts and crackers’ he wanted to. That’s not asking nicely in my book.

From the daily mail:

[The FA] ..claimed Thede had come back to the galley area of the economy section a short time after take-off, when the seat belt sign was on, and asked for peanuts and crackers. He was given the snacks on that occasion but when he returned a short time later, Ms Hall said she told him there was only one snack per passenger. 

Ms Hall claimed Thede became enraged and pointed his finger at her face. ‘I felt like my heart was pounding, that something wasn’t right with him,’ she said. She added: ‘He started shouting at me before I could even finish my sentence.’ 

Asked to characterise his demeanour, Ms Hall said: ‘He seemed extremely angry and it was just not normal behaviour.’ The flight attendant with almost 30 years of experience told the court she expressed concern to the head flight attendant that ‘somebody was going to get hurt’.

And the dirt continues.

The relief pilot, who is legally required to sleep during the first three hours of the flight, described being woken twice and asked to deal with Thede, something that he claims ‘never happens.’ There could potentially be a time bomb on board. Do you want to deal with it on the ground or in the air, given that we were about to coast out?

Complaints included allegedly ‘staring’ at a female passenger and invading her personal space. Thede, who had changed his clothes a number of times and was standing up rummaging through his bag in the overhead bin, had been given three warnings to change his conduct, the court was told.

‘I just felt that the crew members’ duties had been interfered with enough, we were reaching the point there we were coasting out and once you are over the Atlantic there are not a lot of places to land. ‘It’s better to offload this gentleman and continue with this flight.’
The court heard there was no evidence that Thede’s actions were part of a wider distraction plot and shortly after the captain announced the plane was being diverted he appeared to be asleep. 

He was only woken when police officers escorted him off, it was claimed.

The flight had diverted to Belfast where Mr. Thede was booted off and this is where the trial is. The helpfully explains Mr Thede’s clothes:

‘Thede, dressed in a light grey suit and white shirt, listened from the dock as Ms Hall gave evidence.’

What ? He didn’t change 3 times? Shocking behavior.

Perhaps if AA have served Macademia nuts in cups instead of Peanuts, not of this would have happened. See Heather Cho.

Ciao for now,